Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I won the penis lottery.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
