He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
