I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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