I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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