I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
