I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
