Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
