The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
