I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
