I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
