Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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