We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
