I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
