It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
