I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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