is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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