he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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