I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
