If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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