All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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