I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
