so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
