yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
