Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
