my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's like iHOP with fire
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
