Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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