Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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