woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
