Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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