So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize