Say something about gay babies.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
