You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
