paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My vagina is officially offended.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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