Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
