guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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