I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
