I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
