Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
