Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
