You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
