My sheets look like a crime scene.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize