she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
