So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
