What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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