i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
