how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize