Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
