Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
