like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
