too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
