Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's shark week go big or go home
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
