Just cropdusted the office
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
