TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
