I accidentally had phone sex last night
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
