The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she smelled like a LAN party
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
