theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
