ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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