Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
