If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize