How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
