I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
