Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
