Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
