I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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