Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
