If i come over, it means nothing
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Who died my cat blue again?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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