I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
