you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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