if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
