My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
