I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
