I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
