This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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