Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
