Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
