Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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