8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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