i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
