he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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