I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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