So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
