I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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