my mouth tastes like poor choices
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
NoShamevember. You game?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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