Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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