I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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