Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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