just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
