If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
