When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm just crazy horny about you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
