Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
