"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
