I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
