I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
