well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
