Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
