When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
