He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize