did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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