I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
